IT’S MY TIME

May 23, 2011 By 1 Comment

In 1985 I was a very young bride. The man I married had been my boyfriend on and off since the beginning of my senior year of high school. I had come from a home where my mom and dad only showed kindness to each other. I could not understand that someone who loves you could purposely hurt you.

Our life grew and I started to disappear. It started slowly. I was alienated from my family and friends because I was mortified for them to know the hell that had become the norm. He did things I was ashamed of. I put on the smile that the world needed to see.

It wasn’t always ugly. We had bright, happy times. I guess that is what kept me there. It cycled. Sometimes he was sorry. As time went on, he was sorry less. I was ugly, ignorant, a whore. I couldn’t see it then, but I had become so incredibly depressed. Sleep, when it came, was my only savior.

One night I opened up to my brother what was happening. It was like grabbing a life vest in a hurricane. He helped me leave with my two young sons. I could not let them grow up to think this was how you treat women.

I’d like to say that it was happily ever after then. But I learned that men like him will do anything to keep you. While trying to establish a life of my own, I was stalked, harrassed and threatened. I got into therapy and reconnected to the outside world.

On April 30, 1993 the man that I was divorcing and had a protection order against, broke into my home and assaulted me while my young sons were a room away. He had a knife and said he was gonna kill me. After begging him for hours to take my boys somewhere safe, he left me tied up and gagged with the promise to return and finish things. When I heard his car leave my house, I started working on my constraints. I freed myself. I ran, barefoot, in the dark to my nearest neighbor and banged on her door with all the life I had in me. He returned. The police were not there yet and he fled, taking my boys on a two day, several state flee to Mexico. Thankfully, state patrol in TX caught him and my boys were unhurt, although confused and scared.

There’s alot that happened in the coming days and months, even years. For a LONG time I couldn’t be alone. I couldn’t sleep in the dark. The anniversary threw me into a backslide. I became a frequent fixture at my therapist’s who became my dearest friend.

He never gave up trying to get to me. From behind the bars of a cell in the Ne State Penitentiary he tried for the better part of the next 15 years to derail my happiness. He lost that battle. I am a survivor. No one will ever again make me feel that I am less that I am.

As a strong christian woman, I knew I had to forgive. Wow! That was a hard one. I struggled with this for more years than I care to admit. I prayed, I read books. I spoke with my pastor. Then, one day the hate was gone. I can forgive him and it doesn’t make what he did okay. God took away the anger and fear and opened my world to live fully. If I held onto what he did, I could never live the life I was given. I forgave him for me.

Filed Under: Survivor Stories

First SSA month with the Project. [Video]

May 2, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The month of April has come and gone, and I’m pretty pleased with the events that took place. I got to meet a nice group of Husker football players who were very sweet and put on the TLP bands right away to show their support. Met Matthew West and Josh Wilson, both Christian musicians, who were touched by my project and donated signed CD’s to give away at my event at the end of the month. Had a very generous woman, now friend, offer to do a clothing show in support of my project-which was an amazing turnout! This was the first week of April alone!
The following week I had my first LIVE television interview with NTV’s Good Life that went great. Those women were so sweet and interested in what I was doing, couldn’t have had a better first TV interview. That same day I was interviewed by the Kearney Hub which printed a few days later. I went to a Stewards of Children training to help me spread the message on how to protect our children in our communities.
I registered for my summer UNK courses, so I’m officially a Loper again! I was even able to enroll in a couple of honors courses, so I feel blessed. Hopefully gas prices won’t get in the way of my education, we’ll see, it’ll all work out.
I had my second television interview through KNOP TV, North Platte. They came to my home for this interview, so that was a fun experience. A few days later I had my second newspaper interview as well, with the North Platte Telegraph. Not to mention KRVN, a local radio station, promoting The Teal Lotus run throughout the month. I am so grateful for the exposure and interest of our area media coverage.
And for the big event that was set for the last day of April, going out with a bang! The first annual Teal Lotus Run, what an amazing turnout! It was a chilly morning, but that didn’t stop anyone from coming out to support. We had 133 runners/walkers who attended the first annual Teal Lotus run. 26 of them notified me to let me know that they are survivors, one was a male. After the run I told my story and how the Project came about, I had four more people tell me that they were survivors that weren’t in the count. So a total of 30 people there (that told me, I still feel like there were more but weren’t ready to ‘say’ so) were survivors! That’s approximately 23% of the attendance.
I am so incredibly proud of these survivors, that was a huge step, to speak of the horror that they went through. I have high hopes that we’ll have an even bigger turnout for next year’s event.
A HUGE thank you to my family, friends and community for their continued support. And kudos to my Teal Lotus committee for helping me organize this event, you know who you are.
The month of April is over, but the fight is not. Please continue to acknowledge and spread awareness about this horrific crime.
Applications will be available soon for survivors to fill out for qualification and begin their counseling journey. I am finalizing some legal wording and some criteria with counselors willing to help. It will begin soon, stay tuned.
T

Filed Under: Blog